View my photos at here

Friday, 16 January 2009

Unforgivable

I still have huge problems in forgiving myself. Mistakes and mistakes are driving me crazy. Smile and relax...being a buddhist is so tough

Dinner

I have dinner last night

Friday, 9 January 2009

Smile & Relax

My buddhist teaching is learn how to smile and relax

Thursday, 1 January 2009

Happy new Year

Frustration about myself, my stupidity, although I am trying to relax

Friday, 26 December 2008

聖誕快樂

我家有了PARTY, 認識了新朋友

Thursday, 25 December 2008

心動了

聖誕節, 看到街上的人打扮得美麗, 尤其是女孩子, 心動了, 我好像突然入了花花世界. 也見到我喜歡的女孩子

Tuesday, 23 December 2008

心淡

有一晚, 我被一個女性朋友用朋友方式繞著我的手, 維持了廿秒. 感覺奇妙, 生疏. 也把我的回憶勾起.只是一件微不足道的事, 我呆了. 為什麼我會心動?我忘記了我還是人界的生物, 是有男女欲.

我是誰, 不知道.



想不起 怎麼會病到不分好歹

 連受苦都甜美 我每日捱著 不睬不理

 但卻捱不死 又去痴纏你

 難道終此一生 都要這麼 不可爭一口氣


☆很謙卑 只不過是我太過愛你

 連自尊都忘記 跌到極麻木 只好相信

 又再爬得起 就會有轉機

 若我不懂憎你 如何離別你 亦怕不會飛☆


#由這一分鐘開始計起 春風秋雨間

 限我對你以半年時間 慢慢的心淡

 付清 賬單 平靜的對你熱度褪減


 一天一點傷心過 這一百數十晚

 大概也夠我 送我來回地獄又折返人間

 春天分手 秋天會習慣 苦沖開了便淡 #


 Repeat ☆ #


 (說甚麼再平反)只怕被迫一起更礙眼

 (往後這半年間)只愛自己 雖說不太習慣

 畢竟有限 就當 過關


 Repeat#

Friday, 19 December 2008

LINQ is devil to DBA

1 DBA has to know what SQL are running in the database. LINQ automatically generates SQL, many LINQ queries are not optimized. programmers can submit SQL to drag down the whole database easily without notifying the DBA.

2 DBA can assign a XML query plan for specific stored procedure, if you study how query plan works, you will know a fine tuned SQL is quite tricky to write. Study the topic of parameter sniffing.

3 Security - Stored procedure has great security

4 In LINQ, schema modifications of the database sometimes need to touch the application code.

Many developers does not agree with me coze they lack DBA knowledge. I am a rare developer with good DBA skills and good .Net skills.

Wednesday, 17 December 2008

一無所住,也無本心.應無所住,不生其心.

這是<金剛經>上的一句話,意思是以不執著於任何事物的心去面對一切,高興時既不會執著於高興,悲傷時也不會執著於悲傷的心境。

日本有一首詩就是以這句<金剛經>裡最著名的話為題說:[悲哉掠過雲端之初雁,亦有心而啾鳴。] <金剛經>裡說:[求道者及優秀的人必須生出如此清淨心(不指著的心),不生出執著的心,不生出聲、香、味、觸及執著於心的對象的心,正應無所住而生其心](諸菩薩摩訶薩,應如是生清淨心,不應住生生心,不應住聲、香、味、觸法生心,應無所住而生其心)禪門非常重視[而生其心]這四個字,所以在本經裡又主張[應生無所住心]。所謂住,是指心停止、盤纏或執著在某處。由於住是產生一切迷惑的根本原因,所以才如此諄諄地教誨。

但只是聽或者讀,無法真正的瞭解,除非突破知識的界線,否則定會在某處受牽制。

繼承達摩禪脈的第六代祖師慧能,出生在廣東省某個山村的貧窮人家,既沒有錢也沒有時間讀書做學問,每天以砍柴賣薪維生,奉養老母。某日,他在街上偶然聽到僧侶誦經道:[應無所住而生其心],心裡深受感動,這名僧侶告訴他這是<金剛經>,並說黃梅山的弘忍禪師(唐代的禪僧,西元六七年歿)正在講述此經,闡釋見性成佛的道理。

此後他就立志出家,卻又擔心老母無人照顧,幸好有位善心人士願意照顧他的母親,於是他放心地前往弘忍那兒,每天為師父舂米,默默地努力修行。最後終於悟到所謂[應無所住而生其心] 是指一切的存在不離本心的道理。

弘忍得知此事後,某夜就把他叫到房裡說明道:[若不識本心,就算學了佛法也沒用,若自己能細心的觀察本心,就可稱為佛心。] 並傳授他禪法。此後這句話受到禪門的重視,道元禪師也曾就這句話吟道:[水鳥去返皆絕跡,然猶不忘記其道。]

文章摘自《在禪思中覺醒》一書

何期自性本自清淨,何期自性本不生滅,何期自性本自具足,何期自性本無動搖,何期自性能生萬法。

Monday, 15 December 2008

What is the feeling of Happiness

Someone asks me whether I am happy, my response is "What is the feeling of being happy?" Especially learning deeply about buddhism, I have a question mark myself. Happiness is not built from sensational stimulus. May be I did not relax enough for the past 28 years.. depress, depress and depress

Friday, 5 December 2008

Homework

1 Sitting up Straight
2 Do sitting meditation daily
3 Focus on chanting and learn sutra
4 Do good merits to others

Thursday, 4 December 2008

Back from retreat Insight

I just back from 7 days retreat meditation. Well, lots of stuff to say. Very touching, I have not met Veneurable Guo Juan in retreat for a long time. The retreat was so boring to many people, but how come I find it so valuable?

This was my first ever retreat after I vow myself to reborn in pure land after death. I realised that we all lost our buddha nature, and finding the true buddha nature, ending the suffering is the only way to go.

I am not a particular fan of meditation. I have not meditated for a while. Before I went to meditate. I do not even know what meditation is really about in a very deep level.

Discovery process starts hours after the retreat was closed. After another sitting with my friend Shirley. I can count the breadth, which was out of my expectation. I had heavy leg pain as well, and as the moment I stayed in the breadth, for seconds, the pain was gone. I did not had this experience ever before.

I went home and I found out my place was so messy, a bit troubled to accept it myself. What a suprise.

After discussion, I told Shirley that I have problems in accepting myself, forgiving myself, always ask somebody else to accept myself, the fear to open up the rubbish bin. The lack of confidence in myself in removing the shit out of the bin. Hopelessness causes me to stop looking forward and chose to cover up the bin and escape. This is also part of the reason why I choose to reborn in pure land, ask Amitabha for help, I wanted to give up on this world and ask Amitabha to save me from suffering. However, because I realise the pain was so deep according to the buddha's sutra, I also want to save the others from suffering. With my limited time in this life, it is simply impossible for me to save myself without Amitabha's help.

My pure land practises such as chanting amitabha are still very useful to calm my mind down and do good virtues to others and myself, but it is still not pinpointing enough by the method of observing my breadth and leg pains, which is the main channel to connect myself due to the failure of accepting myself. Meditation is very direct, very brutal while chanting amitabha is more gentle way to get realisation of myself.

Can I accept this brutal force? I hope so, but it certainly helps my pure land practise.

Learning to relax is another art. I thought I have been relaxing, but can you relax in my leg pain? Can you relax when you are feeling sleepy? It is a very big challenge. Relax does not mean sloopy as well. Relax my mind is tough, the funny thing is you cannot use any force to relax your mind.

Because I know where to go after death, practising meditation with no expectation is nothing hard for me. Meditation cannot have expectations, there are no good or bad, but how many of us can really do it. For example, we might know that after meditation, our mind will be more settled. but is it really the case? if our mind cannot be settled after the 7 day retreat, are we disappointed? Experience the experience, very tough, particulary in real life. I cannot even expect I can write this passage after the retreat, or this is just simply another illusion as the Diamond sutra said.

I am a very emotionlly deep person. My personality can actually be found in HERE. Well it is not buddhism, but it is very useful in understanding myself and I can say more than 70% things say there are correct. I am a very emotionally powerful person, a weak person as well. Courage is simple my biggest enemy. I admit that I cannot tolerate painful experience very much, After this few months pure land practise, I am already suprised that I can look into death and study about it, and even not that fear of death, and even in sitting, I realise that my body is pain, my mind is not pain, but how what tolerance level can I up it? I am still not ready for me to play bungy jump, sky diving or even having serious pain in cancer for months. Well, not many people can be up to that tolerance. This is the world of suffering.

What can I expect out of meditation? No. Just sitting and follow the methods. Suprise will come, can I do it, lets wait and see



離開 這一刻感覺不會忘記
朋友 抱擁告別明天各自遠飛
難得 並沒傷感依依不捨顧慮
重拾昨天 樂趣一堆
曾經 每一天相約找美麗去
陶醉 美的故事互相勉勵去追
曾經 望著天空一起哭泣至睡
臨別說起 亦笑相對

#別了依然相信 以後有緣再聚
未曾重遇以前 要珍惜愛自己
在最好時刻分離不要流眼淚
就承諾在某年 某一天某地點 再見

TODAY WHILE THE BLOSSOMS
STILL CLING TO THE VINE
I’LL TASTE YOUR STRAWBERRIES
I’LL DRINK YOUR SWEET WINE
A MILLION TOMORROWS
SHALL ALL PASS AWAY
ARE WE FORGET ALL THE JOY
THAT IS OURS TODAY

Wednesday, 19 November 2008

Victim in the financial turmoil

I lost my job today

Friday, 7 November 2008

愚痴

我們每個人都是愚痴.
我們只是用我們的愚痴去處世, 去做事, 衡量對與錯, 結果弄了又一大堆愚痴, 爭執都是這樣的.

Friday, 31 October 2008

輪迴

輾轉輪迴千百世,
今生又投入紅塵。
歲月悠悠回首處,
誰能記得是哪人


你不得不信, 我聽了很多真人真事. 我們不要漠視他, 前世討債, 有個人被清朝追到現在, 今生受盡痛苦. 仇恨的可怕.

我們一定要解決這個問題, 唯有念阿彌陀佛去西方世界. 阿彌陀佛是真的, 很多現世人見到, 就一個小孩子也見到, 一個基督徒也見到, 不可不信.. 試問如果你不信因果, 後果嚴重.. 受苦

如果我們再執迷不悟, 繼續攪名聞利養, 今生再作業, ...

一定要脫離輪迴

Monday, 20 October 2008

Thursday, 16 October 2008

正確的佛教臨終助念

我希望我可以這樣往生



Tuesday, 14 October 2008

問我

問我歡呼聲有幾多 問我悲哭聲有幾多
我如何能夠一一去數清楚
問我點解會高興 究竟點解要苦楚
我笑住回答 講一聲 我係我

無論我有百般對 或者千般錯
全心去承受結果
面對世界一切 那怕會如何
全心保存真的我

問我得失有幾多 其實得失不必清楚
我但求能夠一一去數清楚
願我一生去到終結 無論歷盡幾許風波
我仍然能夠講一聲 我係我

家變



今天家變了

獅子山下

人生中有歡喜 難免亦常有淚
我地大家 在獅子山下相遇上
總算是歡笑多於唏噓
人生不免崎嶇難以絕無掛慮
既是同舟在獅子山下
且共濟 拋棄區分 求共對
放開彼此心中矛盾
理想一起去追同舟人
世相隨 無畏更無懼
同處海角天涯 攜手踏平崎嶇
我地大家
用艱辛努力寫下那不朽香江名句

Friday, 26 September 2008

有聚有散才能成長

俗話說:「天若有情天亦老」,可見愛情、友情、親情雖然能帶給我們很多的溫暖,卻也充滿痛苦的催折,尤其是生離死別時,更是讓人痛苦。因此有人以為,只要將情感斬斷,就再也不會痛苦了!然而如同佛所說,眾生都是「有情」,就是因為眾生有愛的緣故。

眾生最愛的是自己的生命,其次則是和自己生命相關的人、事、物。親情由第一代傳到第二代,象徵了生命的延續。愛情也是一樣,因為有了男女的結合,才有後代的出現,因此這個結合也和自己生命的延續有關。至於友情,雖然和生命的延續並沒有那麼直接的關係,但是人活在世界上,一定需要養分,除了飲食的養分之外,還必須從精神上獲得滋養,而友情就是最好的精神滋養,所以友情和生命還是有關係的。

既然情愛和生命息息相關,無論是否定它,或是硬生生地把它切斷,都不合乎世間的法則,也不合乎人情的道理。從佛法的立場來看,無論是親情、愛情或友情,都是因緣所生,有因有緣才使得大家生活、聚集在一起,也才能夠彼此互相合作。但是我們要明白,因緣聚散是天經地義的,就如我們常常聽人說:「天有不測風雲,人有旦夕禍福」,或是「月有陰晴圓缺,人有悲歡離合」,可見生、死、聚、散都是正常的事。

既然聚散是必然的事實,那就沒有什麼好痛苦的了。佛法常常教人要用平常心來看待所有一切發生的事,這樣在相聚時,就不會太過興奮,而分離時,也不會那麼憂苦。而且,人生在世,就是要有聚有散才能成長、有生有滅才能進步,如果沒有生滅變幻,我們就會老是停留在同一個現象之中,不但覺得很無聊,也不能夠成長。例如,今天和這兩個人在一起,明天又和另外兩個人在一起,這樣就能把原本的人際網絡擴大了,人際網絡一旦擴大,生命的層面就會擴大,而層次也將提高。
所以,聚散的過程其實是讓我們成長的一種力量,因為層次和層面的提高、擴大,使我們的生命過程更充實、更飽滿,也更加多彩多姿,這不是一件很好的事嗎?

更何況,離別既然也在生滅變異之中,所以它也是一種暫時的現象,一時的分離並不表示永遠都不能再見面了。而且今天這個時代,我們可以隨時隨地透過網路聯絡,即使相隔遙遠,也能立刻與對方面對面談話。而人是高等動動,本來就著重精神的交流,就算身體沒有在一起,仍然可以隨時隨地互通有無、互通訊息,離別也就不再顯得那麼痛苦了。

其實,離別之所以讓人感到痛苦,問題的關鍵仍在於大家難免都希望自己喜歡、執著的,能永遠留在自己身旁,這才是使情愛變得痛苦的真正原因。所以,只要轉變自己的心境和看法,以平常心來看待離別,並且掌握聚散離合所帶來的成長契機,就不會再為離別而擔心苦惱了。

From DDM Taiwan Master Sheung Yen

Tuesday, 23 September 2008

一切有為法,如夢幻泡影,如露亦如電,應作如是觀

50% my own words, 50% copied from somewhere

人是有慾望的,生來就想擁有什麼,當你擁有你會快樂,但失去時你就會痛苦;夢也是一樣啊,當你朝著夢想前進,你是滿足的,但是當有一天夢想破滅,巨大的絕望就會攫住你,不停地往下墜落。
  可是這四句偈告訴我們,不要去想你現在擁有什麼,便放不開,因為總有一天都是會失去的,也不要去想你失去什麼,因為我們本來就不可能擁有什麼,今天你做了一個夢,夢中的你過的快樂極了,早上你醒來,發現自己又回到現實的世界中,又要面對辛苦的一天,人在夢醒時難免有一點失落感,但這還只是做夢而已,要是有一天你生命中真正重要的東西失去了呢?你的親人、朋友、愛,你還能把他當做一個結束的夢嗎?
  人生的一切現象,就像夢幻般不真實,也像水中的泡泡,浮上水面就消失了,又像清晨的露珠、天空的閃電,現在看到了,下一刻就消失了。這個世界就好像無數個不同的『片刻』,而不是不變的永恆,我們應該從這個角度去認識世界,就會對世界有不同的體悟,也許本來令你痛苦的事,就不會痛苦了。
  其實我覺得人活著,就不可能不痛苦,因為活著本身就是一件痛苦的事,人活著總有一天得面對別離,又有太多無可奈何的事. 我很希望我從夢中醒回來, 人生本來就是夢, 你試想想, 你發夢的時侯是否很入夢, 很真, 當你醒來的時候, 你會不會很執著那個夢, 人生如夢, 我們為什麼不能放下

你以為我很長命嗎, 最長也不過是一百矣而, 短的話也只可能是明天. 萬般帶不走, 唯有業隨身, 即使你有錢, 有成就, 死了也是一頭骨頭, 和大地合而為一, 你的自我去了哪裡? 也被活埋了.

你可能活得很辛苦, 你看看其他生命, 比你苦的更多, 你可能以為自殺能了斷, 但老實告訢你, 自殺只是等於沒有肉體, 記憶沒有消失. 每它七天要找替身.

你要心平氣和, 亨受每一刻, 一刻的生也是一刻的滅, 生生滅滅, 一刻過去了不要回頭看. 這才是真正的利用每一刻, 你試過有一刻的平靜嗎? 要看生滅, 很簡單, 看自己的呼吸, 他是陪伴你長大的, 你有看過他嗎, 我們很多時也忽略了他, 一吸一呼, 一個又一個生滅

在這不如意的世會上, 不如意的事很多, 我們盡力去做, 不問結果, 如果結果不是理想的, 放下他, 你要亨受做的過程, 不要以為浪費了時間, 你的身體的確為你努力過, 每一刻的過程也是生滅


Monday, 22 September 2008

Devote time to save the world

Many people are in suffering, no food, no water, especially in Africa. Please help them as much as you can.

Friday, 19 September 2008

人的自性沒有念頭

The following is all my own words and feeling, not copied from somewhere else. I am practising now and find it very useful

人的自性沒有念頭, 不管是惡念還是善念

我真的要從這裏觀察

這幾天心又雜了, 我一真用內觀的方法來了解自己, 要分清自性跟習性, 不要被眼耳口鼻的感覺影響, 最難控制是情, 所有的情都是假的, 正確的情不會用感覺的, 是理性的, 人人平等, 不分男女,動物也不例外的. 因為情帶了執著. 執著是自我控制的一種, 控制的意識是保護自己, 這也是錯的

Thursday, 18 September 2008

Very important during death



The ghosts and your enemies will pretend as your family member to bring you to hell, we must ignore them and wait amitabha to come.. So do not follow them or you will be in hell

命终时的亲友 人临终前常看见已故亲友出现 怨亲债主化身亲友接引 堕落三涂. F***

Tuesday, 16 September 2008

心動

這幾天, 我發覺我的心動了很多, 我一直都用很強的意志力控制, 但有時侯十分痛苦, 為解決問題, 我讀了以下的文章


心不動,還能辦事、解決問題嗎?能,心不動是智慧解決問題;心動是情識在解決問題。這一動就變成識了,情識解決問題會產生很多流弊,為什麼?它是迷,不是覺,智慧解決問題,決定沒有後遺症。佛菩薩是智慧解決問題,我們凡夫是情識解決問題,感情、常識。感情本身就是問題,煩惱嘛;知識是所知障,全是煩惱習氣,沒有真智慧。真智慧是從定中來的,不是讀很多書就有智慧,那就錯了。讀很多書是常識豐富,知識不是智慧,智慧跟讀不讀書沒有關係,

我們真正到離念亡情的時候,情就是情識,念是念頭,一切念頭,善念、惡念、無記念,都捨掉了;情是一切的煩惱,喜、怒、哀、樂、愛、惡、欲,我們中國講的七情,在佛法裡面講識就是情,八個識都是屬於情,情識真正能夠捨離掉了,你本性裡面的般若智慧就現前了。

其實情識跟般若智慧是同一個體,都是自性,都是真心,悟了的時候就叫般若智慧,迷了的時候就叫情識。所以唯識這一宗講修行的目標是轉識成智,轉八識成四智;真轉過來了,那麼你一天到晚起心動念,一切的作為,全是普賢行,與十大願,願願都相應。那麼後面有幾句,它也說得很好。「大經云,一切法無生,一切法無滅,若能如是解,諸佛常現前。」它這個幾句是解釋如對目前來說的,也說得非常之好,那麼後面呢,我們還會討論到。如果沒有普賢法力,沒有深心信解,這個禮敬諸佛就做不到,所以禮敬諸佛,特別注重諸佛,這個是普賢行願。如果說禮敬如來,禮敬一尊佛,那個不是普賢行,所以普賢行差別就在此地。



普賢行是情與無情要平等地禮敬,這個才是普賢行的禮敬諸佛,所以它不是禮敬佛,是禮敬諸佛,諸佛是情與無情統統包括在裡面。所以不曉得這個意思,讀誦有什麼用處呢?沒用啊!明白這個道理,讀誦有用,讀誦提醒自己。所以古人有很多人拿這個作日課的,弘一大師,諸位都曉得,他的早晚課就是念普賢行願品,他把這個當作課誦本來念,時時刻刻提醒自己,我有沒有修普賢行,時時提起,時時念著,自自然然他就要修了。再看底下這一段,解釋「能禮」的「心相」。「悉以清淨身語意業,常修禮敬。」這一段經文裡面,你看字不多,可是意思也非常地圓滿。成佛的正因,必定是三業清淨,這個是成佛的正因。

用心去恭敬每一個眾生

用心去恭敬每一個眾生, 對眾生不要有分別心,要以平等心看待一切眾生,沒有平等心的話就會生起苦惱心,不要分別高下、大小、富有、貧賤,一律平等,這樣才能得到內心的和諧與快樂。


it is difficult, i need to practise it

Thursday, 11 September 2008

When will Peace Come 911



When will Peace Come? Peace comes internally, not externally. Stop blaming external factors and practise internally

邪帥說法, 如恆河沙

要在誘惑中生存, 十分困難,
四處都是邪帥說法, 電視, 金錢, 女人, 食物, 無一不是邪帥說法

Tuesday, 9 September 2008

Amitabha Sutra Chinese Chanting

This is a MUST CHANT during death, very powerful