Friday, 26 December 2008
Thursday, 25 December 2008
Tuesday, 23 December 2008
心淡
有一晚, 我被一個女性朋友用朋友方式繞著我的手, 維持了廿秒. 感覺奇妙, 生疏. 也把我的回憶勾起.只是一件微不足道的事, 我呆了. 為什麼我會心動?我忘記了我還是人界的生物, 是有男女欲.
我是誰, 不知道.
想不起 怎麼會病到不分好歹
連受苦都甜美 我每日捱著 不睬不理
但卻捱不死 又去痴纏你
難道終此一生 都要這麼 不可爭一口氣
☆很謙卑 只不過是我太過愛你
連自尊都忘記 跌到極麻木 只好相信
又再爬得起 就會有轉機
若我不懂憎你 如何離別你 亦怕不會飛☆
＃由這一分鐘開始計起 春風秋雨間
限我對你以半年時間 慢慢的心淡
付清 賬單 平靜的對你熱度褪減
一天一點傷心過 這一百數十晚
大概也夠我 送我來回地獄又折返人間
春天分手 秋天會習慣 苦沖開了便淡 ＃
Repeat ☆ ＃
（說甚麼再平反）只怕被迫一起更礙眼
（往後這半年間）只愛自己 雖說不太習慣
畢竟有限 就當 過關
Repeat＃
我是誰, 不知道.
想不起 怎麼會病到不分好歹
連受苦都甜美 我每日捱著 不睬不理
但卻捱不死 又去痴纏你
難道終此一生 都要這麼 不可爭一口氣
☆很謙卑 只不過是我太過愛你
連自尊都忘記 跌到極麻木 只好相信
又再爬得起 就會有轉機
若我不懂憎你 如何離別你 亦怕不會飛☆
＃由這一分鐘開始計起 春風秋雨間
限我對你以半年時間 慢慢的心淡
付清 賬單 平靜的對你熱度褪減
一天一點傷心過 這一百數十晚
大概也夠我 送我來回地獄又折返人間
春天分手 秋天會習慣 苦沖開了便淡 ＃
Repeat ☆ ＃
（說甚麼再平反）只怕被迫一起更礙眼
（往後這半年間）只愛自己 雖說不太習慣
畢竟有限 就當 過關
Repeat＃
Friday, 19 December 2008
LINQ is devil to DBA
1 DBA has to know what SQL are running in the database. LINQ automatically generates SQL, many LINQ queries are not optimized. programmers can submit SQL to drag down the whole database easily without notifying the DBA.
2 DBA can assign a XML query plan for specific stored procedure, if you study how query plan works, you will know a fine tuned SQL is quite tricky to write. Study the topic of parameter sniffing.
3 Security - Stored procedure has great security
4 In LINQ, schema modifications of the database sometimes need to touch the application code.
Many developers does not agree with me coze they lack DBA knowledge. I am a rare developer with good DBA skills and good .Net skills.
2 DBA can assign a XML query plan for specific stored procedure, if you study how query plan works, you will know a fine tuned SQL is quite tricky to write. Study the topic of parameter sniffing.
3 Security - Stored procedure has great security
4 In LINQ, schema modifications of the database sometimes need to touch the application code.
Many developers does not agree with me coze they lack DBA knowledge. I am a rare developer with good DBA skills and good .Net skills.
Wednesday, 17 December 2008
一無所住,也無本心.應無所住,不生其心.
這是<金剛經>上的一句話，意思是以不執著於任何事物的心去面對一切，高興時既不會執著於高興，悲傷時也不會執著於悲傷的心境。
日本有一首詩就是以這句<金剛經>裡最著名的話為題說：[悲哉掠過雲端之初雁，亦有心而啾鳴。] <金剛經>裡說：[求道者及優秀的人必須生出如此清淨心（不指著的心），不生出執著的心，不生出聲、香、味、觸及執著於心的對象的心，正應無所住而生其心]（諸菩薩摩訶薩，應如是生清淨心，不應住生生心，不應住聲、香、味、觸法生心，應無所住而生其心）禪門非常重視[而生其心]這四個字，所以在本經裡又主張[應生無所住心]。所謂住，是指心停止、盤纏或執著在某處。由於住是產生一切迷惑的根本原因，所以才如此諄諄地教誨。
但只是聽或者讀，無法真正的瞭解，除非突破知識的界線，否則定會在某處受牽制。
繼承達摩禪脈的第六代祖師慧能，出生在廣東省某個山村的貧窮人家，既沒有錢也沒有時間讀書做學問，每天以砍柴賣薪維生，奉養老母。某日，他在街上偶然聽到僧侶誦經道：[應無所住而生其心]，心裡深受感動，這名僧侶告訴他這是<金剛經>，並說黃梅山的弘忍禪師（唐代的禪僧，西元六七年歿）正在講述此經，闡釋見性成佛的道理。
此後他就立志出家，卻又擔心老母無人照顧，幸好有位善心人士願意照顧他的母親，於是他放心地前往弘忍那兒，每天為師父舂米，默默地努力修行。最後終於悟到所謂[應無所住而生其心] 是指一切的存在不離本心的道理。
弘忍得知此事後，某夜就把他叫到房裡說明道：[若不識本心，就算學了佛法也沒用，若自己能細心的觀察本心，就可稱為佛心。] 並傳授他禪法。此後這句話受到禪門的重視，道元禪師也曾就這句話吟道：[水鳥去返皆絕跡，然猶不忘記其道。]
文章摘自《在禪思中覺醒》一書
何期自性本自清淨，何期自性本不生滅，何期自性本自具足，何期自性本無動搖，何期自性能生萬法。
日本有一首詩就是以這句<金剛經>裡最著名的話為題說：[悲哉掠過雲端之初雁，亦有心而啾鳴。] <金剛經>裡說：[求道者及優秀的人必須生出如此清淨心（不指著的心），不生出執著的心，不生出聲、香、味、觸及執著於心的對象的心，正應無所住而生其心]（諸菩薩摩訶薩，應如是生清淨心，不應住生生心，不應住聲、香、味、觸法生心，應無所住而生其心）禪門非常重視[而生其心]這四個字，所以在本經裡又主張[應生無所住心]。所謂住，是指心停止、盤纏或執著在某處。由於住是產生一切迷惑的根本原因，所以才如此諄諄地教誨。
但只是聽或者讀，無法真正的瞭解，除非突破知識的界線，否則定會在某處受牽制。
繼承達摩禪脈的第六代祖師慧能，出生在廣東省某個山村的貧窮人家，既沒有錢也沒有時間讀書做學問，每天以砍柴賣薪維生，奉養老母。某日，他在街上偶然聽到僧侶誦經道：[應無所住而生其心]，心裡深受感動，這名僧侶告訴他這是<金剛經>，並說黃梅山的弘忍禪師（唐代的禪僧，西元六七年歿）正在講述此經，闡釋見性成佛的道理。
此後他就立志出家，卻又擔心老母無人照顧，幸好有位善心人士願意照顧他的母親，於是他放心地前往弘忍那兒，每天為師父舂米，默默地努力修行。最後終於悟到所謂[應無所住而生其心] 是指一切的存在不離本心的道理。
弘忍得知此事後，某夜就把他叫到房裡說明道：[若不識本心，就算學了佛法也沒用，若自己能細心的觀察本心，就可稱為佛心。] 並傳授他禪法。此後這句話受到禪門的重視，道元禪師也曾就這句話吟道：[水鳥去返皆絕跡，然猶不忘記其道。]
文章摘自《在禪思中覺醒》一書
何期自性本自清淨，何期自性本不生滅，何期自性本自具足，何期自性本無動搖，何期自性能生萬法。
Monday, 15 December 2008
What is the feeling of Happiness
Someone asks me whether I am happy, my response is "What is the feeling of being happy?" Especially learning deeply about buddhism, I have a question mark myself. Happiness is not built from sensational stimulus. May be I did not relax enough for the past 28 years.. depress, depress and depress
Friday, 5 December 2008
Homework
1 Sitting up Straight
2 Do sitting meditation daily
3 Focus on chanting and learn sutra
4 Do good merits to others
2 Do sitting meditation daily
3 Focus on chanting and learn sutra
4 Do good merits to others
Thursday, 4 December 2008
Back from retreat Insight
I just back from 7 days retreat meditation. Well, lots of stuff to say. Very touching, I have not met Veneurable Guo Juan in retreat for a long time. The retreat was so boring to many people, but how come I find it so valuable?
This was my first ever retreat after I vow myself to reborn in pure land after death. I realised that we all lost our buddha nature, and finding the true buddha nature, ending the suffering is the only way to go.
I am not a particular fan of meditation. I have not meditated for a while. Before I went to meditate. I do not even know what meditation is really about in a very deep level.
Discovery process starts hours after the retreat was closed. After another sitting with my friend Shirley. I can count the breadth, which was out of my expectation. I had heavy leg pain as well, and as the moment I stayed in the breadth, for seconds, the pain was gone. I did not had this experience ever before.
I went home and I found out my place was so messy, a bit troubled to accept it myself. What a suprise.
After discussion, I told Shirley that I have problems in accepting myself, forgiving myself, always ask somebody else to accept myself, the fear to open up the rubbish bin. The lack of confidence in myself in removing the shit out of the bin. Hopelessness causes me to stop looking forward and chose to cover up the bin and escape. This is also part of the reason why I choose to reborn in pure land, ask Amitabha for help, I wanted to give up on this world and ask Amitabha to save me from suffering. However, because I realise the pain was so deep according to the buddha's sutra, I also want to save the others from suffering. With my limited time in this life, it is simply impossible for me to save myself without Amitabha's help.
My pure land practises such as chanting amitabha are still very useful to calm my mind down and do good virtues to others and myself, but it is still not pinpointing enough by the method of observing my breadth and leg pains, which is the main channel to connect myself due to the failure of accepting myself. Meditation is very direct, very brutal while chanting amitabha is more gentle way to get realisation of myself.
Can I accept this brutal force? I hope so, but it certainly helps my pure land practise.
Learning to relax is another art. I thought I have been relaxing, but can you relax in my leg pain? Can you relax when you are feeling sleepy? It is a very big challenge. Relax does not mean sloopy as well. Relax my mind is tough, the funny thing is you cannot use any force to relax your mind.
Because I know where to go after death, practising meditation with no expectation is nothing hard for me. Meditation cannot have expectations, there are no good or bad, but how many of us can really do it. For example, we might know that after meditation, our mind will be more settled. but is it really the case? if our mind cannot be settled after the 7 day retreat, are we disappointed? Experience the experience, very tough, particulary in real life. I cannot even expect I can write this passage after the retreat, or this is just simply another illusion as the Diamond sutra said.
I am a very emotionlly deep person. My personality can actually be found in HERE. Well it is not buddhism, but it is very useful in understanding myself and I can say more than 70% things say there are correct. I am a very emotionally powerful person, a weak person as well. Courage is simple my biggest enemy. I admit that I cannot tolerate painful experience very much, After this few months pure land practise, I am already suprised that I can look into death and study about it, and even not that fear of death, and even in sitting, I realise that my body is pain, my mind is not pain, but how what tolerance level can I up it? I am still not ready for me to play bungy jump, sky diving or even having serious pain in cancer for months. Well, not many people can be up to that tolerance. This is the world of suffering.
What can I expect out of meditation? No. Just sitting and follow the methods. Suprise will come, can I do it, lets wait and see
離開 這一刻感覺不會忘記
朋友 抱擁告別明天各自遠飛
難得 並沒傷感依依不捨顧慮
重拾昨天 樂趣一堆
曾經 每一天相約找美麗去
陶醉 美的故事互相勉勵去追
曾經 望著天空一起哭泣至睡
臨別說起 亦笑相對
#別了依然相信 以後有緣再聚
未曾重遇以前 要珍惜愛自己
在最好時刻分離不要流眼淚
就承諾在某年 某一天某地點 再見
TODAY WHILE THE BLOSSOMS
STILL CLING TO THE VINE
I’LL TASTE YOUR STRAWBERRIES
I’LL DRINK YOUR SWEET WINE
A MILLION TOMORROWS
SHALL ALL PASS AWAY
ARE WE FORGET ALL THE JOY
THAT IS OURS TODAY
This was my first ever retreat after I vow myself to reborn in pure land after death. I realised that we all lost our buddha nature, and finding the true buddha nature, ending the suffering is the only way to go.
I am not a particular fan of meditation. I have not meditated for a while. Before I went to meditate. I do not even know what meditation is really about in a very deep level.
Discovery process starts hours after the retreat was closed. After another sitting with my friend Shirley. I can count the breadth, which was out of my expectation. I had heavy leg pain as well, and as the moment I stayed in the breadth, for seconds, the pain was gone. I did not had this experience ever before.
I went home and I found out my place was so messy, a bit troubled to accept it myself. What a suprise.
After discussion, I told Shirley that I have problems in accepting myself, forgiving myself, always ask somebody else to accept myself, the fear to open up the rubbish bin. The lack of confidence in myself in removing the shit out of the bin. Hopelessness causes me to stop looking forward and chose to cover up the bin and escape. This is also part of the reason why I choose to reborn in pure land, ask Amitabha for help, I wanted to give up on this world and ask Amitabha to save me from suffering. However, because I realise the pain was so deep according to the buddha's sutra, I also want to save the others from suffering. With my limited time in this life, it is simply impossible for me to save myself without Amitabha's help.
My pure land practises such as chanting amitabha are still very useful to calm my mind down and do good virtues to others and myself, but it is still not pinpointing enough by the method of observing my breadth and leg pains, which is the main channel to connect myself due to the failure of accepting myself. Meditation is very direct, very brutal while chanting amitabha is more gentle way to get realisation of myself.
Can I accept this brutal force? I hope so, but it certainly helps my pure land practise.
Learning to relax is another art. I thought I have been relaxing, but can you relax in my leg pain? Can you relax when you are feeling sleepy? It is a very big challenge. Relax does not mean sloopy as well. Relax my mind is tough, the funny thing is you cannot use any force to relax your mind.
Because I know where to go after death, practising meditation with no expectation is nothing hard for me. Meditation cannot have expectations, there are no good or bad, but how many of us can really do it. For example, we might know that after meditation, our mind will be more settled. but is it really the case? if our mind cannot be settled after the 7 day retreat, are we disappointed? Experience the experience, very tough, particulary in real life. I cannot even expect I can write this passage after the retreat, or this is just simply another illusion as the Diamond sutra said.
I am a very emotionlly deep person. My personality can actually be found in HERE. Well it is not buddhism, but it is very useful in understanding myself and I can say more than 70% things say there are correct. I am a very emotionally powerful person, a weak person as well. Courage is simple my biggest enemy. I admit that I cannot tolerate painful experience very much, After this few months pure land practise, I am already suprised that I can look into death and study about it, and even not that fear of death, and even in sitting, I realise that my body is pain, my mind is not pain, but how what tolerance level can I up it? I am still not ready for me to play bungy jump, sky diving or even having serious pain in cancer for months. Well, not many people can be up to that tolerance. This is the world of suffering.
What can I expect out of meditation? No. Just sitting and follow the methods. Suprise will come, can I do it, lets wait and see
離開 這一刻感覺不會忘記
朋友 抱擁告別明天各自遠飛
難得 並沒傷感依依不捨顧慮
重拾昨天 樂趣一堆
曾經 每一天相約找美麗去
陶醉 美的故事互相勉勵去追
曾經 望著天空一起哭泣至睡
臨別說起 亦笑相對
#別了依然相信 以後有緣再聚
未曾重遇以前 要珍惜愛自己
在最好時刻分離不要流眼淚
就承諾在某年 某一天某地點 再見
TODAY WHILE THE BLOSSOMS
STILL CLING TO THE VINE
I’LL TASTE YOUR STRAWBERRIES
I’LL DRINK YOUR SWEET WINE
A MILLION TOMORROWS
SHALL ALL PASS AWAY
ARE WE FORGET ALL THE JOY
THAT IS OURS TODAY
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