Betrayal and trust

やっと目を覚ましました。自分がどんな馬鹿か愚か者かやっと分かった。ひとりの友達に裏切られた、約束を破った彼女は私の心が傷つけてしまって、もう信用できなかった。信用って何だっけ？

女って何者だ？私は永遠に分からなかった。

以上

I finally woke up yesterday, how come I am so stupid.
I think I was betrayed by one of my friends.She has broke her promise, I won't trust her anymore
What is trust?

what do woman think, i will never understand!

Religion with Wisdom

I don't like people just saying "This is God's will", or "This is my karmic causes" when a certain thing happens. Although it may be true to some extent, that doesn't mean we sit there doing nothing.

Religion is a thing driving us away from stupidity, I found out many people (including myself) getting into stupidity sometimes.

Read the following stories:
If I broke my leg when I am walking downstairs, instead of keep saying "This is God's will", or "This is my karmic causes", I will call ambulances straight away. If the ambulance is coming late, don't say "This is God's will", or "This is my karmic causes", then call up an ambulance again. This is a very profound religious teaching. I sometimes keep blaming my karma and doing nothing practical. That's wrong.

During difficult situation such as abortion or euthanasia, instead of doing things such as (I give this decision to God or Buddha), God, Please be responsible for me..., We should be quite, be calmed and make a wise decision. Guidelines are to analyze the pros and cons of each decision. THERE IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG. It is just different paths of journey. Please do not hand this decision to God or Buddha, this is regarded as irresponsibility. We are responsible for our lives.

If God or Buddha is so powerful, there would not have sufferings around the world. There will be no famine in Africa. If God or Buddha thinks the Africa people is not loyal, and use famine as a punishment for sin, then where is love and kindness in God and Buddha....True love is unconditional, borderless, undiscriminated. Is God or Buddha giving true love?

so if we handle our life to God or Buddha, is this a wise decision? I would rather handle my life to someone who I really think he is powerful? so far, God or Buddha or even other Gods do not have this power

My definition of a powerful God is as follows
1 No anger
2 Love and kindness accross all living beings (animals, insects, aliens)
3 No discrimination to all living beings (ie God should be of equal status to us)
4 No sufferng accross the whole universe (suffering includes mental suffering, death and sickness)
5 No war, including mouth war between husband and wife
6 No killing of living beings, no crime of living beings (so if a pigeon stole your food, that is a crime)

Are you looking for a right God?

Australia Citizenship

I am becoming an Australia Citizen today. Everyone congratulates me, I don't know why,
I am still proud of being a Hong Kong Citizen because I love Hong Kong so much. I like like Australia, but not to the extent of willing to spend my life time in Australia.
Out..

抱きしめて欲しい

好きな人を抱きしめて欲しい。心が満たされる、あの温もりをすごく気持ちだ
何時来るかな、この願いは。

I want my gf to hug me、very comfortable
when will this dream come true?

I don't know what I doing today, just like shit
好きな人を誰かに抱きしめていた。私はすごく辛っかた。


Read the lyrics.
It is the song from the movie NANA. It is my words as well

My heavy reliance of people

Since I don't have siblings, and my dad is gone when I was young. I was also studying in "famous brand" school, so not much time is dedicated to social life because I was so focused in studying. My soical skills were extremely weak.

Drinking Manuka Honey with UMF

After drinking honey for a while, my skin got better and better.
I am planning to order some New Zealand Manuka Honey UMF to drink.. from ebay

Click here to read an article to unveil its power

My Truth

To my friends who helped me to grow up..



Let me stay with you
讓我跟你一起。

傷つけあうのに
明明會彼此傷害。

なぜこんなに 求めてしまうの
為何還是如此渴求。

Don't you know my heart
你不明白我的心嗎。

素直になれずにいたの
不習慣坦率。

ただ一つの愛がほしいのに
只是想要那唯一的愛。

めぐり逢えた 奇跡を信じて
萍水中相逢 相信著奇蹟。

奏でてゆきたい あなたへのmelody
想演奏出 給你的旋律。

もしも全てを 失くしてしまっても
就算失去一切。

この想いは永遠なの
這個思念也會是永遠。

It's my Truth
這就是我的真實。

Believe in yourself
相信你自己。

つまずいた時も
就算跌倒了。

歩いてきた 涙をぬぐって
只要能走 就能將淚水拭去。

Open up your heart
打開你的心房。

思い出の先にきっと
因為在回憶的一端。

明日という 希望があるから
一定有稱為「明天」的希望存在。

Give me your Loneliness
把你的孤寂交給我。

and I'll give you my Tenderness
我便會給你奉獻溫柔。

忘れないでいて あの日見た夢は
那天所做的夢 一直無法忘懷 。

離れていても この胸にいつでも
即使分離 一直在心中。

感じている あなただけを
感受到的只有你。

It's my Truth
這就是我的真實。

繋がる星が囁きかける
繁星私語。

戸惑う心を手がしながら
雖然困惑的心行動了。

出会いと別れ 人は探すの
相遇與分離 人在尋找著。

いつか結び会える 強い絆は
何時能夠繫上 強而有力的羈絆。

世界中の 悲しみも全て
把世界上的所有悲傷。

受け止めてもいい あなたの為なら
全部停止也可以 如果是為了你 。

世界中から 置き去りにされても
就算會被這世界遺棄。

その瞳を信じている
也相信著這眼眸。

It's my Truth
這就是我的真實。

Communication Problem

Being a single child in my family and studied in famous boys school (St Paul Boys) from 6-16. I was so concentrated in studied and had poor social life. And I have poor communication with my family (my mum loves me, but we never communicate well).

My communication skills had problems. This problem is being magnified in work, my language study and talking with my flatmate

I found out because of my understanding skill was very weak. Evidence to prove this are:
In my japanese exam, although I could translate the text into chinese word directly in the comprehension, I didn t really understand what the authors said, especially regarding the underlying meaning of the text. In other words, even though the text was translated in Chinese, i would get it wrong.

I failed Chinese listening with a grade U (unclassified) in two consecutive years. Even though the test was conducted in Cantonese.

When I talked to my flatmate, I always misunderstood her meaning. She is complaining sometimes. We even had arguments many times because of these small little things..

When I talked to the clients at work. I always misunderstood her meaning and I always ask for summarizations. This is more challenging due to different knowledge between the client and me. For example, the client asks me "You told me that it took 5 minutes to fix it, how come you charge for 3 hours" and My answer is "Yes I took 5 minute to fix it, but I took 3 hours to diagnose the problem"..

I had tried to listen and understand what the other person say.

Learning to love, my confess

Today I went to buddhist centre. Haven't went to buddhist centre for a long time, I saw many old friends.

I realis at a particular moment when Blante Mahinda told us about love. Only love can conquer anger, only love can conquer amenities. I realise what I had done to my friends is a result of lack of practice of buddhist teachings..

The centre of me is the mind. My mind dictates everything. I realise that my mind was so out of control, that my emotions are totally out of control. I could see anger, jealously inside my feeling. I forgot how to love and care someone.

I could see my anger and jealously anyway when I have heavy emotional problem, but I choose not to control it. Today, after I listen to the buddhist teaching. I am so happy and willing to control my emotion. At that very moment, all my bad emotions calm down.

In buddhist teaching, I should say this every day many times when I wake up

May I be round and happy
May I be free from anger
May I be free from amenity
May everyone be round and happy
May everyone be free from anger
May everyone be free from amenity

Coaching by my flatmate

Her voice gave me uncomfort on one occassion...

虚しさを出ている

今晩、目を覚めたら、家には誰もいなかった。何とか心の中で虚しさを溢れ出した、すごく怖くて、寂しかった。まるでちさいごろに目を覚めたら親が何処でもないで、そして涙を出てしまった。

when i woke up tonight, there is no one at home. I am so afraid. All kind of loniness just come out from my heart. Very afraid. I don't know what I am afraid of. I wanna cry, but I cannot. I always thought that after a good sleep, everything will be fine, but it is not...

I try to let go, but all those feeling of being unwanted just come out from my heart. I studied personality when I was 19. I belonged to this type http://www.enneagram.com/enneagram_type2.html . I was so lonely now. I just want someone to stay with me, speaking nothing.

I am very afriad. My mind is blank.

I have tried to ring up my friends, but after hanged up the phone. I am afraid again.
I tried to call up my flamate, but after she is gone, I am afraid again..

LIFE is... ~another story~

by 平井堅

This is what I am doing now

自分を強く見せたり
I show my strength
自分を巧く見せたり
I show my talented thing
どうして僕らはこんなに
息苦しい生き方選ぶの?
why do I choose to live in a way that I cannot breath

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I always ask why do I choose to be unhappy. I can be happy anytime, but why do I choose. I always do something bad to myself in order to compensate for my guilt found in my heart..This always happen when I am emotionally stuck, particularly with bf and gf stuff. I have completely no confidence in this thing after begin rejected more than 6 times since 21... I have a deep fear.

This is probably my karma as well, the lesson of loniness. Wait, it is because I choose to be lonely because of my guilt

I can choose to love myself, which I don't wanna choose.

to my loved ones

WHO 歩み浜崎



I sang this song whenever I am unhappy

辛い時誰がそばにいてくれて
when i have a hard time, who is next to me to help me
誰の肩で涙を流した?
which shoulder do I cry on?
喜びは誰と分け合って
when I am happy, who share with me
誰と手を取り合ってきた?
who hold my hand together
思い出しているよ
All these memories just flush out

ふたり離れて過ごした夜は
in a night where two persons are separated
月が遠くで泣いていたよ
the moon cried very far away
ふたり離れて過ごした夜は
in a night where two persons are separated
月が遠くで泣いてた
the moon cried very far away

本当の強さは誰が教えてくれて
who teach me my toughness
優しさは誰が伝えててくれた?
who teach me the kindness
誰がいたから歩こうとして
who encourage me to walk
誰に髪をなでて欲しかった?
i want whom to touch my hair
誰があきらめないでいてくれた?
who told me not to give up
忘れないよずっと
i will never forgot

道に迷った時そして
when i am lost and
道が遠すぎた時に
the road is too far away
ひとりつぶやいていたよ
i mutter
そんなものだと...
this kind of stuff

これからもずっとこの歌声が
from now on, this song
あなたに届きます様にと
will deliver to you
これからもずっとこの歌声が
from now on, this song
あなたに届く様にと
will deliver to you and again

rich at 34

two kind of fortune telling theories told me I will be rich at 34.. i am 26 years old, still 8 years to go

I think because I plant too many good deeds in my past life, and that's the karma..

I plea to do more good deeds in this life. I want more people to get enough food and water, and stop war..

I got rich to help people, not to have extravagant life. This is the buddhist teaching.

I am still sorting out my next job. Will my working partner keep his promise? I am very worried now... but shit why should i worry if i believe in Karma

Vegetarian

I want to become vegetarian. I only eat meat when I cannot see the dead body in front of me.

I still eat sashimi (japanese raw fish) now, but only limited to when the dead body is not in front of me..

I want to throw out everytime when I see the dead body..(all kinds of prawns, crabs and chinese steam fish, please get away from me)

I was not like that when I was teens... probably I become a buddhist now.. I have more compassion to the animals

So disgusting when I want to kill a living being..the same as I saw a person killed in front of me (getting hung or getting shot)

I hope that my flatmate can make me full vegetarian food

My flatmate

She is a gal... the first time i live with a female!! except my mum!!

She is nice to me. I know her in a party 3 months ago.

She has a good bf ........ (not me)

I don't need to cook from now on..and I become more healthy. and she will be my best friend ever

My Office, waiting for 5pm

I am in the office now, the time is now 2pm, waiting to finish at 5pm. Today, my manager is sick. I just have to finish the project and hand it to him tomorrow.
Regarding the office, I have one indian guy and one chinese lady. The Indian guy is very quiet. The chinese lady is very beautiful. She is very nice and talk to me always.
We chat about the mahjong today.