end of friendship?

Is it the end of friendship between G***** and me?

Written in 2 Jan 2008
- the answer is no, although we have something not worked out, we are still best friends

Christmas Present

I got a solar power phone charger by from boss,, Great



I have no present received from my friends :=(

Merry Christmas

グロリーア前よりずっと好きです

昨夜ひどりでいえに留守番をしました、やっぱり彼女を心配かけた。彼女は別の男を付き合ったと言った、私心の中でさんざん泣いてしまった。

今グロリーアの心の中で私が何番目いるだろう？
結婚したら、何番目になってしまうだろう？

これまでの一年間、グロリーアの横にいるのは当たり前だった。そんな当たり前ことが、もうすぐ手が届かないほど私から離れてしまう。彼女に好きな気持ちを自分でも騙されなっかた。

彼女は別の男を付き合うなんで本当に納得できません、一番辛いのは私です。私の気持ちは彼女に素直になれず伝える、この一年間。

私いたいの言葉は


Let me stay with you
讓我跟你一起。
傷つけあうのに
明明會彼此傷害。
なぜこんなに 求めてしまうの
為何還是如此渴求。
Don't you know my heart
你不明白我的心嗎。
素直になれずにいたの
不習慣坦率。
ただ一つの愛がほしいのに
只是想要那唯一的愛。
めぐり逢えた 奇跡を信じて
萍水中相逢 相信著奇蹟。
奏でてゆきたい あなたへのmelody
想演奏出 給你的旋律。
もしも全てを 失くしてしまっても
就算失去一切。
この想いは永遠なの
這個思念也會是永遠。
It's my Truth
這就是我的真實。
Believe in yourself
相信你自己。
つまずいた時も
就算跌倒了。
歩いてきた 涙をぬぐって
只要能走 就能將淚水拭去。
Open up your heart
打開你的心房。
思い出の先にきっと
因為在回憶的一端。
明日という 希望があるから
一定有稱為「明天」的希望存在。
Give me your Loneliness
把你的孤寂交給我。
and I'll give you my Tenderness
我便會給你奉獻溫柔。
忘れないでいて あの日見た夢は
那天所做的夢 一直無法忘懷 。
離れていても この胸にいつでも
即使分離 一直在心中。
感じている あなただけを
感受到的只有你。
It's my Truth
這就是我的真實。
繋がる星が囁きかける
繁星私語。
戸惑う心を手がしながら
雖然困惑的心行動了。
出会いと別れ 人は探すの
相遇與分離 人在尋找著。
いつか結び会える 強い絆は
何時能夠繫上 強而有力的羈絆。
世界中の 悲しみも全て
把世界上的所有悲傷。
受け止めてもいい あなたの為なら
全部停止也可以 如果是為了你 。
世界中から 置き去りにされても
就算會被這世界遺棄。
その瞳を信じている
也相信著這眼眸。
It's my Truth
這就是我的真實。

if times go back

もし時間を戻れば、どうするつもりか？
人生は何か起こたら目を覚ます、でも、もう過去を戻らない、そういう残酷な事実なんです。もしも、この時間をを戻れば、何をする？

If times goes back, what will you do

Kiroro

ずっとひどり

今日は信用できる友達はいわれた、「君はだめな男だ」「なんであなとのこと覚えなきゃいけないの？あなたは大切じゃな人だ」。なんだ私はショックだった。

私はいつも信じている、けんかの場合でいったこといつも本音のこと、ということで、彼女の言葉に私の目を覚まさせた。一番傷ついた言葉は彼女にとって私は大切じゃな人。なんですで、いつも彼女は自分のこと私に相談してくれて、私こそ彼女に友達として付き合う、ずっと彼女のこと先に思うのに、やっぱり私は馬鹿でした。多分私を利用され、時に相手を友達として付き合う、用がない時に相手を捨てられ、そういう彼女の本当の性格だ。

もし私は彼女の重りだとしたら、ごめんなさい、いつも料理してくれてありがとう。お世話になりました。さよなら。

Today, one of my friend said something really terrible, I was shocked.
"Why do I need to remember your thing, You are not an important person", I am so shocked it is coming from the friend that I trust.... May be I am too stupid, I should wake up and look clearly what is happening, what is this person's real personality.. It is hard for me to treat this person as friend anymore..

I always believe when two persons fight, the things that we said will hurt each other, but those things are coming from one's subconscious, so although it feels painful when listening, but it also represents the truth

憂い

最近私はあまりうれしいくない、また落ち込んでいる。友達の中で私は出鱈目な男だ、自分でもそう思う。やる気がない。死にたい、でも、死は無駄だ、問題を解決できない、逃げられるの場所はない、人生諦めたい、でも、出来ない、正しいことじゃない。自分の弱点を直すやる気はない

Depress.
Want to give up.
I am suprised people find my value being friends with me...........

松たか子好き

最近夢中した女優　「松たか子」です
なんで？
ドラマ「役者魂」を見た。芸能人のマネージャーと子供の保護者を演じで、彼女の魅力に引き付けられた。声優しいし、美人し。一般の女優と違って、女としての魅力を溢れてしまった。



I have recently like one Japanese actress, 松たか子,
she is so beautiful, and the voice is so sweet. She has a kind of Charm which cannot be easily found in other actress

人生は何か起こるか分からないのだ

「人生は何か起こるか分からないのだ。物事と言うものは自分の思う通り進まないだと、どうせい思うよりならないなら、楽しく過ごしなきゃもったいない、この先何か起こるか分からないだ。」あるドラマの台詞、
この言葉何とか私の人生の見方を変わていった。

前にたくさんの事を自分の思うより進みたい、でも、そんなわけないじゃない。毎日走って、たまには飽きると感じる。ちょっと止って、息をついて、自分やりたいことをやって、そして後悔を残してない、若いうちに

だから、楽して、人生の楽しいさを冒険しましょう！

っとは言っても、時々迷った道も遇った、その時、この言葉を自分の忠言になるかいいじゃない。

I have watched a Japanese drama recently. It said human life is hard to predict, if we cannot control what happen next, why don't we spend a good time in our future!!

夢と現実

彼女を私の夢を見た、本当に幸せだった。そんな優しい声が私の耳に伝わった。
でも目が覚めたら、現実の彼女を一瞬に見た、驚いた、私は今夢か現実か自分でもわきまえなかった。
もう少し夢にいたいのに。
多分私の長い間押さえた彼女好きな気持ちを自分の潜意識で爆発してしまった。

I dreamed of her last night, oh dear, is this my subconscious?

諦めるしかない

辛いけど、諦めるしかない, 思った通り
It is tought, but there is no choice but to give up as expected. I like her very much

恐怖を満たされた

私が超怖い、自信がない。負けるのは怖い。
Kさんのこと好き、でもこの先の道はどうなるか？怖い
I am afraid to lose, absolutly lack of confidence. Very afraid. Chasing her is driving me crazy

Moon Cake

My friend in Hong Kong has made me a moon cake and send to me. However, it becomes like this, a fine piece of moon cake. Thank You

すしで食事した

今日はｋさんとふたりきりですしを食べた、うれしい
I am having sushi for lunch today

The power of facebook

I start to play facebook yesterday. I have no idea how come addict to it so much. It only tells me one thing, many people have too much time to spare, and they said they are busy. Doesn't make sense, ah!!!

今日はfacebookに登録した。友達は皆ベンはfacebookあるかと聞かれて、もう煩いだ。やっと今日は時間が少しあるので、facebookに登録した。つまらない人がいっぱいと証明した。

DFO Closed On Thrusday

昨日Gさんと一緒にDFOにいた、でも、いた時もう閉まってた、残念。
私達は近くのレストランで食事をした。ステーキを注文した。medium rare ようにコークした。

でも、ステーキは生過ぎた、medium rare　だから
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G and I went to DFO yesterday and it was closed, we ended up having a steak dinner in Outback Steak House. We ordered medium rare for steak, however, the steak was too rare.

ショックだった

昨夜ショックだった.なんで？見たくない場面がやっぱり目の前に現われた。好きな人は........
今朝は私は気持ち悪かった,悔しかった。

ケッチと言われた。だらか何だ、私の心を返事して、そんなもの誰でも気持ち悪かっただろか？

Am I mean or stingy? To some extent I am....



新しい日本人友達出来るかも、その人の名はかおりです。期待してる。
かおりという名前は、私は七年前、ちょうど好きな人の名前です、でも彼女に断った。彼女の印象はまだ心中で残ってる。

I may meet a new Japanese friend called Kaori. Very happy

誕生日おめでとう

今日は私の誕生日だ。冷蔵庫を壊れちゃった、私のせいで。
お祝いのメッセージをもう次々届いた。
願望を毎年でも同じだ、好きな人と出会う。これはまだ果たしない, 残念ながら、私もう二十七歳です

ｋさんのことどうなるかな？奇跡を作りましょ！！

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ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー
今日はAさんと一緒に食事した。話ながら、このブログ読める人がやっと出た、彼女の妹です。
何で私は英語と中国語書いてないなんちゃって？
日本語書いてあったことは私の秘密です、でもその秘密は何とかこそこそと公開したいのです、それこそ面白いです。（ちょっと馬鹿だけど、これは私だ）

もちろんこのブログ読者はほとんど私の香港の友達です。若し私の好きな人がこのブログを解読出来れば、どうなるか、ワクワクだの！！！

ｋさんのこと

今日は私の誕生日パーテーだった。ｋさんも一緒だった。やっぱり彼女を見てどきどきした。いつも通り、私はｋさんがガールフレンドになれるの可能性が高くない。そう、ｋさんのこと好きです。

Gさんの事も私を心から潰された。この傷だらけの道をもう二度と繰り返したなかった。

次のKさんに私の行動はなんですか？

いろいろ

何気なく気がついた。彼女のこと(Gさん)は前よりもっと好きです。もっともっと
私はやけてる、なぜなら、彼女は彼女の彼氏にキスした時、何で私じゃないのか私の頭が思い浮かべた。

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豪州のHUNTER　VALLEY　について
酒を飲んだ、でもちょっとだけだ。ちょっと酔った。嫌な感じ
新しい彼女を出来たかも、でもあれはまた幻か？若し本当になれば、奇跡だ。

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Dさんの口からKさんは私がかわいいと言われた。奇跡だ。そのKさんは私はJさんの家で始めてあった時、その彼女の目が私の心を奪っていたよな感じで、どきどきするだ。多分これはまた幻と思ってる。

以上

Birthday coming

oh no, i am turning 27.
Reviewing this year. My career has finally be settled. Pay rise has been confirmed by my boss, my biggest birthday present. My Japanese is becoming stronger and stronger. And most importantly, my mum send me a birthday car, very beautiful. Thank you..

I also met my new friend, Gl**ia, She has quite a lot of impact on my life

It was a very long journey to see my friends graduating from Uni, finding their own career, getting married... Oh no....... I am a child anymore, which I don't like !!

Addicted to Driving Game

I have bought a 40 LCD TV... I play computer driving game with it every day. The sensation is awesome... I am really addicted to it.......

I enjoy driving computer games, it is close to real, except you don't have back pain..


The game I am playing is not really a game. It is a simulator. I have to have car set up knowledge. I am not allowed to crash everywhere. I have to brake without ABS..
I am driving in real track !!! I am now driving Macau track. I have watched this track since I was 8 on TV, now I have a chance to drive on it.. so...

have a watched at the following, the first one is the game video, the second one is real time video. Now you know why I get addicted to it, especially with a 40 LCD where everything looks real

She has changed

I cannot never understand what girls are thinking

BIG DAY OUT

My manager agrees to negotiate with my boss about my salary. He agrees to give 15k more..

I have a chance to taste Larry's Tofu cheese cake

Yesterday, our company bought us for a big day out!! it was exciting

We were driving go karting, unfortunately, one of my workmate has an accident, Her car flipped over, which was very unusual in kart racing, with no seat belt, She was thrown out and suffered a minor injury on her month. Very lucky, she is fine..

Then we go cruising, I don't know many people in the company, so it is a bit boring...

At night, we had German good in the Rocks..

Changing job again

With that much of pay, I don't expect to work this much of overtime. On one day, I have to go home at 1100pm. I don't like that. I told my manager that I will be late on Monday to compensate the time difference. He does not like it. We agree to have a meeting on monday.

I will tell him, if you want me to work overtime. Please pay me the market price. With the current price you paid me, which is 15K below the market price. I don't expect to work overtime.

If they don't like it, I will find another job. But this company is a good company, I like the culture, but $$ is really a main concern for me

New Job

Got a new job, not much pay. Let's see what I can learn from this job

Drop down my arrogance

I am too arrogant in my job. That is very bad. I will drop it down so that I don't offend to other people.

Buddhist percept No 4: Don't say something that will harm others

Final Interivew 2 days later

It is a big company, the ideal company that I wanna work.
Mass Media

I passed two technical interviews already. This is the final one, and I will get it

Good Luck Ben

頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　頑張れ　

I was sacked

仕事はくびになちゃった。残念でした、ただの三日間、本当に不謹慎でした。
世の中に　UNFAIR　の事いろいろ
誠実は時々自分にめわくをかけてしまった。でも、私はいつも誠実を信じでる、ずっと。これは私こそだ。

I lost the job, after working for 3 days.
My project manger thought I am incapable.
My manager thought I am ok.

My feeling was
I got a driving license, but you didn't give me a car key and give me an old car, and you complain I am driving slowly.

I had another interview today which pissed me off
The technical director has no technical knowledge and challenge me on technical knowledge.

Bad day, very unhappy, but learned a lesson.

I say thing in a honest way, but that always bring me trouble. I don't wanna lie, it is not my nature to lie. I am not the type of person to tell lie to get the work done, I found it unprofessional. I am honest to many things, but that bring me trouble sometimes.

I am frustrated, I am being treated in this way. However, I still insist my honestly to people.

Getting a Job without interview

面接いらない就職できる事。なんでやねん？


I got a 4 weeks contract, but I did not speak or see the client. I did not even know what is the company name and what I do there, but the job agent put me there.

I only spoke to the agent few times.

THIS IS CRAZY.........Getting a job without interviewing anybody, not even talking in phone. However, they have my resume

Police

First time I have ever been caught by police in traffic. The offense was doing U turn in traffic light. He said the penalty is $360 + 2 points, but I ask him to give me a warning and let me go... oush............ lucky

The meaning of Job

I use to work in an environment where money is enough, but that is work.

Today I talked to my workmate Judy, she advised me that I should work in an environment where I like. Money is not the only factor. I should learn more experience and become more mature..

I have been thinking for this for a few days. I got the skills, why don't I try something that I like, not just getting enough $$ for earn my life.

I am asking myself, what sort of environment do I like. What will I benefit from it.

Although my current job is a small company, but I have learned a lot of things, but seriously, I don't want to stay because I think I am too bored. I want to work in large company.

What is the meaning of my carrer

Really thanks for Judy for teaching me a lot of thing in my current job.

仕事の意味は何だって？いつもこの問題は繰り返す自分に聞いてる。この前に recuritment 会社の試験の結果見ると、僕が十分な能力である。だから、心配でもいられない。就職できるのは時間の問題だ。今の時、自分が何が欲しいか考えるべきの時間だ。
僕は前にお金のために仕事する、本当にいうさ、つまらない。
給料だけの為に仕事をすると、それは意味でもない、ただの虚しきだ。
今は、仕事の意味が探すべきいいチャンスだ。僕はまだ若い、もし仕事もう飽くと感じると、人生はそのまま止まる、それは絶対だめ。

頑張れ、きっと自分の適な道を辿り着く。

以上

My Pride of Job Hunting

One one day, one agent asked me to do a job skill test. I was annoyed coze I think it was wasting my time. If you are happy with me, just send me to the client. Do not waste my time.

However, I did manage to do it coze if I did't do it, i would have waste a chance. I just do the test really fast and rough. I expect I fail the test with only 20% correct, The test has 45 questions, and is computed base and multiple choice.

However, when the agent called me back after I finished the test,
"you have 90%", she said.
"is that 90% wrong answers", I said
"no, it is 90% correct" she said

I was very suprised. After she found out I scored 90%, she talked to me more polite than before.

Today, I went to see her to ask her about the test. She said most people even senior one working 8 years got 50% from the test. It is very rare to score a 90% mark. I was also suprised myself how good am I in my skill test.

When I read the result of the test of "how fast do I finish the test", guess what, I score 99 out of 100, I almost broke their machine..the test is estimated to finish in 54 minutes, I just spend 20 minutes

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some agents say to me,
"ben, you have only 4 years of experience, why asking for the same amount of salary compared to a guy working for 8 years"..
I will always say
"Number of years of experience is not important. Quality and speed of work are the most important. I have seen so many people out there wasting time and money and cannot get the thing done"

But many people think Senior is always better than Junior, the skill level of one person is directly proportional to the number of years of experience. I have been interviewed several times being asked for MORON questions. Say, if you are accountant, they will ask 1+1 = ?. Of coze the answer is 2, but it is funny that not many so called professional can answer the question.

However, if some employers admires my skill test, I will get employed straight away. I felt bored about the job coze it is not enough $$ and there is no challenges. I want to find a job more challenging

Gloria made me sick

Living with her just made me sick. I got infected by her today. I felt a little headache. Becasue I drink Manuka Honey regularly, I am not seriously infected. I got no running nose.

I have job interview today, full of Chinese people, cannot find a single westerner. This job requires me to work 6 days a week with overtime pay. It is closed to my place, just 15 minutes drive. I have the result tomorrow, I hope I can get it.

Job Hunting and $$

I am looking for job again. I have asked my Christian friends to pray for me, although I am a Buddhist.
I want to look for contracting because it is good money, but there is not much compared with permanent.

I want job because I want $$, $$ can give me security. Let me share with you how $$ can make me secure..

I remember when I play Sim City 4, and I am a Mayor. For those who don't know what is Sim City 4. It is a computer game about a mayor building a city, and you got $$ via taxes. I always like to get the $$ up to a certain amount, say, $100000, after that, then I lower the tax rate. I don't like making $$ after that amount. That is my secure amount..

So, my secure amount is around AUD 200K, after that, then I use all my excess money to help the society.

What a dream!!!

Old Friend

Today I met one of my uni friend, haven't seen her for 3 years.
She is cute and beautiful.
We were very friendly when we were in university.
She didn't change much, keep spending $$ all the time, leaving no $$ in the bank account
but she has a good job now, working as an auditor.
Her blog is CLICK HERE

That is the thing I bought her about CLICK HERE

I haven't been so happy for a long time.

Joke

I thought I have grown up, but I didn't
I thought I am independent, but I am not
I thought I am strong, but I am not
I thought I am not jealous, but I am
I thought I can give unconditional love, but I cannot
I thought I am ok, but I am not
I thought I understand myself, but I don't
I thought I have found my way, but I have not
I thought I am clever, but I'm not
I thought I am happy, but I'm not

Who am I?

I just want someone to stay with me.

Emotional problem is my ever biggest obstacles in my life to come across. I thought I can override it, but I cannot.

Shit..Shit..Shit..Shit..Shit..Shit..Shit..Shit..Shit..Shit..

Betrayal and trust

やっと目を覚ましました。自分がどんな馬鹿か愚か者かやっと分かった。ひとりの友達に裏切られた、約束を破った彼女は私の心が傷つけてしまって、もう信用できなかった。信用って何だっけ？

女って何者だ？私は永遠に分からなかった。

以上

I finally woke up yesterday, how come I am so stupid.
I think I was betrayed by one of my friends.She has broke her promise, I won't trust her anymore
What is trust?

what do woman think, i will never understand!

Religion with Wisdom

I don't like people just saying "This is God's will", or "This is my karmic causes" when a certain thing happens. Although it may be true to some extent, that doesn't mean we sit there doing nothing.

Religion is a thing driving us away from stupidity, I found out many people (including myself) getting into stupidity sometimes.

Read the following stories:
If I broke my leg when I am walking downstairs, instead of keep saying "This is God's will", or "This is my karmic causes", I will call ambulances straight away. If the ambulance is coming late, don't say "This is God's will", or "This is my karmic causes", then call up an ambulance again. This is a very profound religious teaching. I sometimes keep blaming my karma and doing nothing practical. That's wrong.

During difficult situation such as abortion or euthanasia, instead of doing things such as (I give this decision to God or Buddha), God, Please be responsible for me..., We should be quite, be calmed and make a wise decision. Guidelines are to analyze the pros and cons of each decision. THERE IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG. It is just different paths of journey. Please do not hand this decision to God or Buddha, this is regarded as irresponsibility. We are responsible for our lives.

If God or Buddha is so powerful, there would not have sufferings around the world. There will be no famine in Africa. If God or Buddha thinks the Africa people is not loyal, and use famine as a punishment for sin, then where is love and kindness in God and Buddha....True love is unconditional, borderless, undiscriminated. Is God or Buddha giving true love?

so if we handle our life to God or Buddha, is this a wise decision? I would rather handle my life to someone who I really think he is powerful? so far, God or Buddha or even other Gods do not have this power

My definition of a powerful God is as follows
1 No anger
2 Love and kindness accross all living beings (animals, insects, aliens)
3 No discrimination to all living beings (ie God should be of equal status to us)
4 No sufferng accross the whole universe (suffering includes mental suffering, death and sickness)
5 No war, including mouth war between husband and wife
6 No killing of living beings, no crime of living beings (so if a pigeon stole your food, that is a crime)

Are you looking for a right God?

Australia Citizenship

I am becoming an Australia Citizen today. Everyone congratulates me, I don't know why,
I am still proud of being a Hong Kong Citizen because I love Hong Kong so much. I like like Australia, but not to the extent of willing to spend my life time in Australia.
Out..

抱きしめて欲しい

好きな人を抱きしめて欲しい。心が満たされる、あの温もりをすごく気持ちだ
何時来るかな、この願いは。

I want my gf to hug me、very comfortable
when will this dream come true?

I don't know what I doing today, just like shit
好きな人を誰かに抱きしめていた。私はすごく辛っかた。


Read the lyrics.
It is the song from the movie NANA. It is my words as well

My heavy reliance of people

Since I don't have siblings, and my dad is gone when I was young. I was also studying in "famous brand" school, so not much time is dedicated to social life because I was so focused in studying. My soical skills were extremely weak.

Drinking Manuka Honey with UMF

After drinking honey for a while, my skin got better and better.
I am planning to order some New Zealand Manuka Honey UMF to drink.. from ebay

Click here to read an article to unveil its power

My Truth

To my friends who helped me to grow up..



Let me stay with you
讓我跟你一起。

傷つけあうのに
明明會彼此傷害。

なぜこんなに 求めてしまうの
為何還是如此渴求。

Don't you know my heart
你不明白我的心嗎。

素直になれずにいたの
不習慣坦率。

ただ一つの愛がほしいのに
只是想要那唯一的愛。

めぐり逢えた 奇跡を信じて
萍水中相逢 相信著奇蹟。

奏でてゆきたい あなたへのmelody
想演奏出 給你的旋律。

もしも全てを 失くしてしまっても
就算失去一切。

この想いは永遠なの
這個思念也會是永遠。

It's my Truth
這就是我的真實。

Believe in yourself
相信你自己。

つまずいた時も
就算跌倒了。

歩いてきた 涙をぬぐって
只要能走 就能將淚水拭去。

Open up your heart
打開你的心房。

思い出の先にきっと
因為在回憶的一端。

明日という 希望があるから
一定有稱為「明天」的希望存在。

Give me your Loneliness
把你的孤寂交給我。

and I'll give you my Tenderness
我便會給你奉獻溫柔。

忘れないでいて あの日見た夢は
那天所做的夢 一直無法忘懷 。

離れていても この胸にいつでも
即使分離 一直在心中。

感じている あなただけを
感受到的只有你。

It's my Truth
這就是我的真實。

繋がる星が囁きかける
繁星私語。

戸惑う心を手がしながら
雖然困惑的心行動了。

出会いと別れ 人は探すの
相遇與分離 人在尋找著。

いつか結び会える 強い絆は
何時能夠繫上 強而有力的羈絆。

世界中の 悲しみも全て
把世界上的所有悲傷。

受け止めてもいい あなたの為なら
全部停止也可以 如果是為了你 。

世界中から 置き去りにされても
就算會被這世界遺棄。

その瞳を信じている
也相信著這眼眸。

It's my Truth
這就是我的真實。

Communication Problem

Being a single child in my family and studied in famous boys school (St Paul Boys) from 6-16. I was so concentrated in studied and had poor social life. And I have poor communication with my family (my mum loves me, but we never communicate well).

My communication skills had problems. This problem is being magnified in work, my language study and talking with my flatmate

I found out because of my understanding skill was very weak. Evidence to prove this are:
In my japanese exam, although I could translate the text into chinese word directly in the comprehension, I didn t really understand what the authors said, especially regarding the underlying meaning of the text. In other words, even though the text was translated in Chinese, i would get it wrong.

I failed Chinese listening with a grade U (unclassified) in two consecutive years. Even though the test was conducted in Cantonese.

When I talked to my flatmate, I always misunderstood her meaning. She is complaining sometimes. We even had arguments many times because of these small little things..

When I talked to the clients at work. I always misunderstood her meaning and I always ask for summarizations. This is more challenging due to different knowledge between the client and me. For example, the client asks me "You told me that it took 5 minutes to fix it, how come you charge for 3 hours" and My answer is "Yes I took 5 minute to fix it, but I took 3 hours to diagnose the problem"..

I had tried to listen and understand what the other person say.

Learning to love, my confess

Today I went to buddhist centre. Haven't went to buddhist centre for a long time, I saw many old friends.

I realis at a particular moment when Blante Mahinda told us about love. Only love can conquer anger, only love can conquer amenities. I realise what I had done to my friends is a result of lack of practice of buddhist teachings..

The centre of me is the mind. My mind dictates everything. I realise that my mind was so out of control, that my emotions are totally out of control. I could see anger, jealously inside my feeling. I forgot how to love and care someone.

I could see my anger and jealously anyway when I have heavy emotional problem, but I choose not to control it. Today, after I listen to the buddhist teaching. I am so happy and willing to control my emotion. At that very moment, all my bad emotions calm down.

In buddhist teaching, I should say this every day many times when I wake up

May I be round and happy
May I be free from anger
May I be free from amenity
May everyone be round and happy
May everyone be free from anger
May everyone be free from amenity

Coaching by my flatmate

Her voice gave me uncomfort on one occassion...

虚しさを出ている

今晩、目を覚めたら、家には誰もいなかった。何とか心の中で虚しさを溢れ出した、すごく怖くて、寂しかった。まるでちさいごろに目を覚めたら親が何処でもないで、そして涙を出てしまった。

when i woke up tonight, there is no one at home. I am so afraid. All kind of loniness just come out from my heart. Very afraid. I don't know what I am afraid of. I wanna cry, but I cannot. I always thought that after a good sleep, everything will be fine, but it is not...

I try to let go, but all those feeling of being unwanted just come out from my heart. I studied personality when I was 19. I belonged to this type http://www.enneagram.com/enneagram_type2.html . I was so lonely now. I just want someone to stay with me, speaking nothing.

I am very afriad. My mind is blank.

I have tried to ring up my friends, but after hanged up the phone. I am afraid again.
I tried to call up my flamate, but after she is gone, I am afraid again..

LIFE is... ~another story~

by 平井堅

This is what I am doing now

自分を強く見せたり
I show my strength
自分を巧く見せたり
I show my talented thing
どうして僕らはこんなに
息苦しい生き方選ぶの?
why do I choose to live in a way that I cannot breath

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I always ask why do I choose to be unhappy. I can be happy anytime, but why do I choose. I always do something bad to myself in order to compensate for my guilt found in my heart..This always happen when I am emotionally stuck, particularly with bf and gf stuff. I have completely no confidence in this thing after begin rejected more than 6 times since 21... I have a deep fear.

This is probably my karma as well, the lesson of loniness. Wait, it is because I choose to be lonely because of my guilt

I can choose to love myself, which I don't wanna choose.

to my loved ones

WHO 歩み浜崎



I sang this song whenever I am unhappy

辛い時誰がそばにいてくれて
when i have a hard time, who is next to me to help me
誰の肩で涙を流した?
which shoulder do I cry on?
喜びは誰と分け合って
when I am happy, who share with me
誰と手を取り合ってきた?
who hold my hand together
思い出しているよ
All these memories just flush out

ふたり離れて過ごした夜は
in a night where two persons are separated
月が遠くで泣いていたよ
the moon cried very far away
ふたり離れて過ごした夜は
in a night where two persons are separated
月が遠くで泣いてた
the moon cried very far away

本当の強さは誰が教えてくれて
who teach me my toughness
優しさは誰が伝えててくれた?
who teach me the kindness
誰がいたから歩こうとして
who encourage me to walk
誰に髪をなでて欲しかった?
i want whom to touch my hair
誰があきらめないでいてくれた?
who told me not to give up
忘れないよずっと
i will never forgot

道に迷った時そして
when i am lost and
道が遠すぎた時に
the road is too far away
ひとりつぶやいていたよ
i mutter
そんなものだと...
this kind of stuff

これからもずっとこの歌声が
from now on, this song
あなたに届きます様にと
will deliver to you
これからもずっとこの歌声が
from now on, this song
あなたに届く様にと
will deliver to you and again

rich at 34

two kind of fortune telling theories told me I will be rich at 34.. i am 26 years old, still 8 years to go

I think because I plant too many good deeds in my past life, and that's the karma..

I plea to do more good deeds in this life. I want more people to get enough food and water, and stop war..

I got rich to help people, not to have extravagant life. This is the buddhist teaching.

I am still sorting out my next job. Will my working partner keep his promise? I am very worried now... but shit why should i worry if i believe in Karma

Vegetarian

I want to become vegetarian. I only eat meat when I cannot see the dead body in front of me.

I still eat sashimi (japanese raw fish) now, but only limited to when the dead body is not in front of me..

I want to throw out everytime when I see the dead body..(all kinds of prawns, crabs and chinese steam fish, please get away from me)

I was not like that when I was teens... probably I become a buddhist now.. I have more compassion to the animals

So disgusting when I want to kill a living being..the same as I saw a person killed in front of me (getting hung or getting shot)

I hope that my flatmate can make me full vegetarian food

My flatmate

She is a gal... the first time i live with a female!! except my mum!!

She is nice to me. I know her in a party 3 months ago.

She has a good bf ........ (not me)

I don't need to cook from now on..and I become more healthy. and she will be my best friend ever

My Office, waiting for 5pm

I am in the office now, the time is now 2pm, waiting to finish at 5pm. Today, my manager is sick. I just have to finish the project and hand it to him tomorrow.
Regarding the office, I have one indian guy and one chinese lady. The Indian guy is very quiet. The chinese lady is very beautiful. She is very nice and talk to me always.
We chat about the mahjong today.